`falling slowly

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

.;need i say more?

`Just the right thing.

I often ask myself about questions of what have I done wrong for something that have gone wrong. I often blame myself about it and do certain things to make up for the bad things I have done. I am often blinded by the feeling of loneliness that I forget to realize the existence of being rational. Irrationality often lives in my system when I am fully misguided of what I cannot see. It may seem hard to understand but to myself I can clearly decipher it.
I know I have done everything and people made me realized the value of forgiveness and learning to focus on the things you can control rather on the things you cannot. I think I've done my part and I extremely believe that it is already far beyond the usual. It's time to breathe now. Breathe a fresher air.

`i love you

i just wanted to say it. i love you.

i love you so much.
you're the best happening life has given me.


jans

`smack

I wanted to write to you. You’re asleep now and I really want to express my feelings.

I know I’ve been busy. I’ve been here and there trying to get things done. I know you’re always waiting for me. And I do recall that in my previous post I said that I’ll never be late again. *sigh

Yes, again I was late.

I also didn’t eat properly last night, and took medicine at the wrong time of the day. I also wasn’t able to tell you that I love you this morning. And as I walk to and fro in my room, your face keeps flashing in my head. My face becomes troubled as I realize that fear of losing you. I haven’t been taking good care of you for the last few days. I’ve neglected your efforts and your feelings. I haven’t been around, and the most frightful outcome of this is that you’re starting to get used to it. =(

Baby you know I can’t live without you. I love you so much even if words are not there to express it. I admit all my shortcomings and I’m sorry for taking for granted the things that keep my life wonderful.

I won’t let you fall out of love with me. That’s something that I will never allow to happen. I will show you that you’re the most important person in my life now. I need you in my life. I need you with me. I need to feel your love everyday, every moment, and I in turn will keep doing the same.

I will eat right, and strive to be the best partner for you.

I won’t let you fall out of love.


Jansen

`A Remorseful Woe

Today, I just felt the need to visit and stay in my bizarre world for a moment since something really bad happened just 30 minutes ago. I wanted to find peace by reading my entries but I was really surprised to see three entries in my site that was not posted by me.

For a moment I felt really happy and overwhelmed for what you have done here. Just for a moment… I have just confessed something that I know have hurt you a lot. I am sorry. I am aware that I have doubted your feelings for me and that all this time you should be the one doing that to me. I just want you to somehow realize that it was really hard for me to say these stuff to you since I know that it will really hurt you but by some means I have tried and took the courage to tell it for I don’t want to hide things to you. I know it’s a little too late to own up these stuff but I guess it’s better to be late than never, right?

I know that I have been so bad but I promise this will be the last time that I’m going to do this. This is the time for me to change and give importance to people who truly love and care for me.

I learned to wait and change for the better not to please someone but because this is what is best for me and I want it.

I want you for my future. I want you to take control of me. I want you in my life. I want you to be always there for me. I want to be loved by you. I want you to be the last person that I’m going to love.

Please, forgive me! If you want to punish me, do it! I won’t mind, just don’t leave me. I am really sorry.

`the selfish idiot

The sky suddenly became dark, the night stood still
I lay here with tears, pretending you are near
I regret the things I said, if only I can take it back
And take away the pain I caused, that struck you through the heart

I said I’d never hurt you, yet somehow I still do
And I know you are tired now, because it’s all I’ve done for you
You’re no longer happy, but I'm too selfish; I love you
I pray you won’t leave me, I’d go crazy without you

Now you said, we’re not meant to be
I’m sorry I couldn’t help it, but tears suddenly drowned me
I felt my heart shatter, I think I’m fading away
Please don’t leave me, baby please stay.


Jansen

`how to create a poem

i see you in our home with kids running around,
i see a cat in the corner and your smiling face upon me
i look at you, your hair sways with the wind in your face

i call you in this empty plane, its about to take off and you smuggle up on me
i embrace you and hold your hand, say i love you and then it lands

i feel your forehead its burning hot, you look at me i see watering eyes
i panic, you tug me down, says stay but i need to get you on the ground
you say don't go, i'll be fine

its all white, i almost cried
you're finally here, i did cry


Jansen's note:
huh? yea..

`An apology

I don’t really know what else to say but I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for making you wait, not just wait for me to get there, but also waiting for me to get home or finish something that I have to do. I can’t blame you for feeling like you’re not important to me or that I don’t have time for you anymore. You once said that you don’t just need my time, you need quality time. I perfectly understand this and when you said it, I felt like a bulldozer sat on top of me. C – Careful, that’s how I’m trying to be with your feelings. I said I’ll take care of you, how am I doing? Am I doing so badly now? I guess my actions suggest that I’m a lot worse now, than at the beginning. But you’ll be totally wrong if you say the same for my feelings.

I should really get my act together. I need to be there for you. I hope you believe that I am not doing it on purpose or that I just don’t care. I really love you baby, I hope you still know that.

You said today you’re not happy. I was really hurt when I heard this. I wonder if I still make you happy. I wonder if I still make your heart beat and sink at the same time.

Saying sorry is not just about saying the words. It’s about acting upon the mistake that was done. I’m sorry for being late today, I won’t do it again.


Jansen.

`Entering your bizarre world.. my a to zed

A no original way to tell you how I feel is to write something like this, it’s your idea but it comes from my heart.

Butterflies, is what I get in my tummy whenever you’re around. I’m still afraid I’d say something that’ll make you turn away.

Careful, that’s how I’m trying to be with your feelings. I said I’ll take care of you, how am I doing?

Dentures .. do you think you’d still be with me when I get these? Lol

Embrace me with your love everyday of my life. If I happen to fall or forget where I’m going, would you mind picking me up?

Forever was a word I never thought I’d believe in, but now you’re here, forever exists in everything that keeps me living.

Grateful that I found you. I don’t know how, but I know we were merely passing by one another not knowing that you would be my lifetime partner. I also ask myself, how did I actually make this big change in your life?

Heaven knows I can’t live without you. Heaven knows I’ll give up everything for you. I know its insane going through this waiting everyday, but I promise I’ll get there. No matter what it takes baby.

I’m sorry for the times I lose my temper. I know sometimes I go head to head with you. I’m sorry for sleeping too much.

Je t’aime Avril. S’il vous plaît séjour avec moi.

Keep my letters and promises in a safe place. One day you’ll find yourself reading them beside me.

Learning who you are keeps me wanting you more and more. Living with you someday is what I’m hoping for.

Midnight comes and you’re not here beside me. I run around looking for you but you’re nowhere to be found. I kept running and running until I fell to the ground. Then at that moment there was only one thing I could hear. It was my heart beating so loud as if trying to get my attention. Then I realized you’ve been calling me all this time.

Never forget that even though you can’t see me, I’m always here. Let me live in your heart and keep me in your dreams.

Often times I find it hard to believe that we’ve made it this far. Not too far but enough to allow to us to feel this way about each other. Do you have any idea how crazy I am about you?

Place your trust in me baby. I know that you’ve been afraid to love for such a long time now. But I promise I will take care of you. I told you I’ll never leave. It means I’ll never leave.

Questioning my feelings for you is something you always do. Baby I love you. I love you will all my heart; I love you with all of me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?

Remember my name, remember my voice. If you’re afraid to look ahead, close your eyes but listen to my voice and don’t let go of my hand. I know things are getting tough and there are road blocks in front us. There are also giants and monsters ahead and it may take us a long time, hiding from one place to another. But being small does not give them the power to take us out.

Since you came to my life, I found happiness I never thought was possible. Some feeling I never recognized, I thought I was only dreaming. Seldom do the hours pass that I do not miss you or think of you.

Thank you for letting me in your life. I know it is difficult for you to trust and completely give your heart to someone, but I thank you for trying. Thank you for giving me a chance to prove myself. To prove you wrong that not every one that comes, goes.

Uncertain of what the future holds for us, and what trials will come our way. Always remember baby that we are one in everything now. Please don’t let me go.

Very sure I am that you won’t get your mio from me. I love you.

Waiting.. I know you hate this the most yet it’s the one thing I’m asking from you. I hope we make it.

X completes Y in algebra. You can’t figure out Y, if you don’t know X. You are my X when I try to solve Y, and Y became alive when X existed. I have no idea what I’m talking about here but here it is, you’ve also made my life extraordinary special by being exceptionally wonderful.

Yearning for your presence each day. Often times it’s hard to keep a straight face when I’m missing you.

Zai jian. Hahaha I love you April. I hope you remember this all the time wherever you may go. Troubles and obstacles in our relationship will always be present but I’m also always here for you. Please don’t give up. I love you so much now I can’t do this without you.


Jansen's note:
It’s finished. I took so long, maybe weeks to do this? But here it is. I started this when we were having troubles but we were able to overcome it. Now we’re in this crossroad again deciding if we’ll be able to make it. Mahal I hope you know how important you are to me. There may be times that you cannot reach me but I am still here. My love for you has never lessened; it only grows stronger each day. Please find it in your heart to realize that I am for real. I am here to stay. I love you April.

`Songs of our lives

This is a compilation of songs that will always be a part of me and Jansen as well. Since this is a compilation, this will be updated every now and then.

• “If love is blind, I’ll find my way with you. Cause I can’t see myself not in love with you…”

-If love is blind
By: Tiffany

.:The song that started everything that is beautiful right now. If not for this song I wouldn’t be able to know how beautiful it is to love someone like you. I just can’t see myself not in love with you, not being with you. And if love is really blind, I’ll always find my way to be there with you, to share my love with you…

• “…seems that I can just look at you and I find the reason in your eyes”

-Un Roman d’Amitie
By: Elsa & Glenn Medeiros

.:A novel of friendship. We made a good start by starting as friends and ending up as partners of love. If one day I ran out of reasons to love you, always remember that by just looking in your eyes, I’ll find the reason again. Loving you includes not just a reason but a commitment to love you even without a reason.

• “You can reach me by railway. You can reach me by trail way. You can reach me on an airplane. You can reach me with your mind. You can reach me by caravan. Cross the desert like an Arab man. I don’t care how you get here. Just get here if you can.”

-Get here
By: Oletta Adams

.:I don’t care how the hell you can get here, I just want you here as soon as possible. Please no more delays.

• “If I had to run, if I had to crawl. If I had to swim a hundred rivers just to climb a thousand walls. Always know that I would find a way to get to where you are. There’s no place that far.”

-No place that far
By: Sarah Evans

.:Whew! You swept me away with this song… haha… [sagutin daw ba yung get here] I love you. That’s all I can say. This is our song baby.

• “I wanna grow old with you. I wanna die lying in your arms. I wanna grow old with you. I wanna be looking in your eyes. I wanna be there for you. Sharing everything you do. I wanna grow old with you”

-I wanna grow old with you
By: Westlife

.:Do I have to elaborate more? I think it’s already obvious. I have so much love to give to you Jansen. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. The time we spent apart will make our love go stronger…